The Difficulties of Dating a Dog-Owner
It's no secret that realising I liked dog more than I liked my boyfriend was the wake-up call I needed to pack up and leave that relationship.
So now I find myself on the dating scene as a single dog-mum. I've witnessed first-hand the challenges that dates face (and the mistakes they make) when pursuing the attention of a dog-owner...
1. No you can't meet our dogs on the first date
It's not that easy. First of all, you might be a weirdo and my dog ain't got time for dat. Secondly, it's probably not in your best interest; she is suprisingly hard to impress, which leads me to my second point...
2. We trust our dog's judgement more than we trust our own
Dogs sniff each other's bums all day. They know an arsehole when they smell one.
Dogs seem to have some sort of magical bullshit detector. I've noticed that mine is drawn to kind-hearted people and avoids those with an unnerving disposition. This is because dogs pay less attention to our words and more to our energy. They read our personalities through our body language.
As the main man Cesar, from cesarsway.com explains,
"Unstable energy is a signal that something is wrong and so he reacts with anxiety, fear or excitement... Because dogs communicate primarily with energy, he reads you in a second."
So basically, if you're a dick, there's no hiding it.
3. Your behaviour in the presence of our dog is detrimental to your fate
Okay so you've made it this far, you're meeting the dog. The likelihood of love is strengthened, or shattered, with one wrong move, at this penultimate moment...
GIVE THE DAMN DOG SOME FUSS. For god's sake.
There's nothing that shouts marry-me more than the sight of our date and dog enjoying a good old playfight.
4. When is appropriate to tell you we share our bed with a dog?
5. We will like our dogs more than we will like anyone
Sorry. It' not you, it's my dog. Only those who have had the pleasure of raising a dog could understand. Why would we waste hours of our lives on an average date, when we could be hanging out with an incredible dog?
So there we have it. I'm destined to be an old dog-crazed spinster. Anyone else with me..?
Have you had any dog-related dating disasters?
About the Author
Helen Penny is a gap-toothed illustrator, maker & pug owner from Bournemouth, UK
She is interested in petting dogs & exploring the impact they have on society